I'm coming out...

Last night I went out, to a club where Owen and Ian were VJing but still, out! This is only the second time the boobs have been out in a crowd (first time was professional beauty) I was panicky at the start of the evening but calmed down a little after a couple of hours. There wasn't any dancing wide and when Example told everyone to put their hands in the air I couldn't but I really had a good time, I would go again!

Pain is pretty minimal now, woke up in the office on the sofa at 630am and had a little touch of morning boob but honestly, feeling really good.

I was asked earlier why I was being a martyr to the pain I have been in, I have a very high pain threshold and realistically I felt that i was in pain for a reason so therefore, I could cope with it. It has gotten easier every day and I feel myself improving, this couldn't have happened if I had kept popping analgesics. I'm sure not everyone agrees, I am happy with my decision though.

Today I realised

Today I realised that however I am feeling, however much pain I'm in, and however much I whine and moan that my life is pretty good, I have my health currently, I also have a wonderful boyfriend, two lovely cats, a gorgeous house, money, cars, material things...

I also realised that none of those things would make a difference if I didn't have my health. Money can't buy freedom from disease, money can't buy treatments that don't exist, and money can't but you time...

I wish it could...

Happy birthday Boobies - 1 month old today!

28 days ago my breasts looked like this;



I had bilateral grade 3/4 Capsular Contraction after having my breasts originally augmented in September 2000. Originally I had 300cc over the muscle implants and was able to look after myself quite easily, this time it's been a little harder.

I'm not sure if it has been harder because I'm 10 years older now, much less fit, and iv turned into a moany old lady!

The implants which i have now are high profile 445cc and are placed under the muscle. I didn't realise how much difference the placement of the implants would make to my pain levels and recovery. I still can't sleep, I am still in constant pain (however refusing to take analgesia!) and they are still swollen at some points during the day (usually when I do too much!) I'm actually quite shocked and would love to apologise to all of my cosmetic surgery patients who i have shouted at for being silly at this point!

My breasts, to me, look amazing. They still havnt dropped properly so I still don't know if I need a nipple uplift or not. Suture lines are looking ok, I'd prefer the redness to go but I think my body is feeling a little tired so isn't healing as quickly. The depression that I had for the past 7-10 days has also lifted a little, I think it may be the pain and lack of sleep that cause this. I still can't get fifth gear when driving, this is annoying!

Here's a few pictures I took this morning of my month old breasts;




Left suture line;



Right suture line;

Suture line seems ok now

Took steri strips off my suture line and it seems to be healing ok, have had a pretty restful day today so I think that has helped. Central chest pain remains if I fill my lungs with air so I think I may be breathing a little shallower to compensate. Other than that I'm feeling pretty good, slight swelling and nice round breasts currently.

Just when you thought it was safe...

My suture line just split, on my left breast at the sternum edge, I may or may not have been poking it. Now it hurts, I have steri stripped it and will review in the morning.

Other than that iv had a lovely day, felt awake and pain seemed mostly under control, although the 5th gear change up is still really really hard. Tried on a 32FF bra today which appeared to mainly fit, currently I'm around a FF/G cup, which is brilliant really. Still swollen a bit, not sure if this will go as nothing I do seems to help.

Extreme makeover

I'm sat here watching extreme makeover and seeing how these people feel-I don't feel like that. They are all happy and everything, I just feel depressed. It's mad that you pay loads for sexy boobs, they are big and round and gorgeous and then for the next 6-12weeks you get to stick them in an unsexy sports bra, you have to attempt to hide said sports bra under every item of clothing... It's unfortunate that the fashion is see thru/sheer tops... I mean annoying, not unfortunate!

Skin seems better after I smothered myself in bio oil, nipples (especially the left one) are still very sensitive.

Iv also had a headache for 3 days - I wonder if this is related to my boobs or is just from the stress and depression I'm feeling this week. It's comforting knowing that loads of other people have this post op, otherwise I'd be quite worried!

Excuse my nipples...

Yes everyone, that's my nipples, red,sore and harder than an American wine gum... Is that normal?

My skin is also so dry I had to use bio oil this morning on my breasts to try and make them look vaguely healthy!

Pain is still quite high, swollen a lot again considering all I did today was drive to and from Bradford, this seems quite excessive, I'm hoping it's normal.

I'm also hoping to sleep, the sleep deprivation is actually killing me now, well, probably not actually killing me but I'm sure everything would look much better (amazing even) through eyes which have slept rather than stayed awake all night for the past 24days (and a bit prior to that with stress!)

So, in summary I'd like a good nights sleep and nipples that aren't sensitive as they are right now.

Swelling, and size

I wonder what size I am going to be, I had 300cc implants taken out and had 445cc put back in. They seem very swollen still, I wonder if I'm ever going to fit into any of my clothes again or if I will have to buy new ones?

Walked to town today and had sharp pain in my sternum and had to catch my breath a few times, is that because I'm unfit or because of my boobs?!

Today's shirt is unable to control the boobs!

Happy birthday boobies - 21 days old today!

Well, it's been 21 days of hell I can assure you, I never realised it would be this painful or have this much downtime, I want to get on with my life but the boobs won't let me just yet!

Iv achieved more today than any other day since the op so I'm going to pat myself on the back and maybe venture out for a drink to celebrate... Watch this space (don't watch it too carefully, I might not go yet!)

Some pics;

Looking quite aesthetically pleasing in my old lady sports bra!



Nipples still a little low, hoping they will drop soon... However they are less wide and swollen today which is good




Side view, for the first time they seem to be taking some kind of boob-like shape

Again, again

I went out in a crowd of people today to Professional Beauty North in Manchester, it was terrifying! Iv never been so terrified of people in my whole life! It was tiring trying to not brush near or bump into people, I think I'll leave crowds for when I'm feeling less fragile.

My suture lines still really hurt, as do my rib area under my suture lines, my breasts feel big and heavy and are really swollen since I started back driving/living again. Have just popped some doublebase onto the suture lines to stop them being so flakey and also my chest strap to see if I can sleep any better with that, I hope so, the sleeplessness is really getting to me now.

Suture lines look like they are healing nicely;

Left suture line


Right suture line



All my bruising has pretty much gone now, I can't wait for the swelling to go so I can see what sort of size they will be!

Thinking I was clever...

So, thinking I was clever I decided to help sweep leaves yesterday morning and did too much (pattern emerging?) I fell asleep quite early after a full day and can't stay asleep;

I have a burning sensation in my right suture line, my right breast is so swollen at the side I can hardly put my arm down and the decolletage/cleavage swelling is up to my collar bone...

I have had hardly any "proper" sleep and feel that Monday may suffer a little...

Pic is how swollen and distorted my breasts are to remind me how much I *can* do...



Can't wait for them to drop and fluff so I can see if I need my nipples moving...

Nipples on a Saturday

Now, before my re-op I have pretty rubbish, flat pancake type nipples which weren't overly sensitive... I now have nipples that hurt if you put the duvet on them! I hope this goes away a bit really, I don't want over-sensitive nipples, they are also generally hard now too, like I'm smuggling peanuts... Great, thanks for that!

Took a couple of pillows off my mega mountain last night and appear to have slept slightly better, I did wake often as always, still no analgesia for a few days now (not counting the one I took for a headache)

I think I'm getting somewhere, trying to shake off the odd sadness I feel even though I have nothing to be sad about, iv heard lots of people get it so I'm not worried.

Friday already!

Wow, it's Friday already, I was confused when I woke up. I had another quite rough night with pain and also my cats were really naughty!

In a lit of pain over my sternum currently, along with the tight pulling feeling in my upper breasts. The stabbing pain when I breathe is also still there, muscles seem to be taking a while to settle I think.

Suture lines are feeling ok, I admit I had a little pick last night and had to stop myself, naughty!

Happy consultant

Consultant happy with my progress, he says the stabbing pain in my sternum is normal (in who's world?!),suture lines clean and clear from infection, breasts soft and pliable.

Seeing him again in a month, think I should get paid for my referrals to him tho ;o)

Morning boob...

I thought this was just imaginary but I can honestly confirm I get it every day! I took no analgesia for my breasts yesterday (1 for a headache) overnight was pretty rough, I fell asleep ok but woke at 4am and didn't sleep again.

Morning boob is the feeling of tightness in your chest as your muscles have relaxed overnight while you sleep and when you wake you can't move, I moved, I stretched, I wriggled but I still actually have morning boob today at 10am, which is annoying!

Off to see consultant this evening for review, I'll update later

Feels like the first time...

Today felt like the first time I have felt vaguely normal since my operation. I spent 6 hours at work and I'm really impressed with myself for not taking any analgesia or feeling in too much pain...

I am however tired! I didn't sleep too well (excitement?!) and I'm looking forward to getting into my bed tonight (ASAP!)

Shopping

Now, we all like a bit of shopping but since my operation iv found it impossible for a few reasons;

* I can't open the door to the shop - why make doors so heavy?

* I can't carry anything heavy

* I can't reach anything

* I can't try anything on without an assistant thinking I'm on the rob for being such a long time!

I got another sports bra from asda today (£4, mustn't grumble) I had to get an assistant to help me reach one even though it was at the front, she couldn't have rolled her eyes any less discreetly! I then wanted some "baby" kind of bath stuff, I couldn't reach it and there were no staff to ask... I wanted to spend money but couldn't, I'm frustrated!

My suture lines are looking better today (day 14), my bruising is all but gone too

Left suture line




Right suture line



Left is still a little puckered due to the ellipse of skin taken to tighten my lower breast, it will flatten given time

Happy birthday boobies (14days old today)

It's been a very odd two weeks, the feeling that iv had two rock hard balls stuck on my chest hasn't gone away, the odd feeling in the morning where my muscles have tensed overnight is still odd, the constant pain and weird stabbing/shooting pains,they're all still there.

But, my breasts are two weeks old today, I'm glad I had them redone (even with the above issues!) I still have my nipples to be moved upwards in 2 1/2 months to look forward to but they are looking good (kinda) and both suture lines are clean and free from any signs of infection currently.

Earlier I scared myself with the notion of "breast implant massage" where it appears you squidge your implant up and down in the pocket it is in to reduce the chance of capsular contraction, this is only done with smooth Implants, I think mine are textured (I switched off when he told me stuff, it's ok on other people but not on me!)

Here's a little picture of what my 14 day old breasts look like;

Overnight low...

Overnight I have had a sharp stabbing pain in my chest, all night, it's now gone. Odd eh?

Having your body cut open and foreign bodies popped in and stuff moved around in there really does create a lot of weird sensations!

Still terrible

I still feel terrible, really depressed and unhappy without any reason. I think my right hand suture line is healing nicely now and the left is doing well, just can't put my finger on this mood.

I know after every anaesthetic you get some depression but I'd have thought I would have had it by now?

I'm also wearing my chest strap for comfort, I'll try without it tomorrow...

I feel terrible

I actually feel terrible this morning. My breasts both still feel really swollen, the bit above my breast bone (sternum) feels like it's on someone else when I touch it, however, my suture line on my right breast is healing really well without the tegaderm and seems to be looking much more normal.

I however feel rough, Briancat has been up all night as he's lost his girl cat, iv had no sleep hardly, I'm in pain and I just wish I felt better.

I thought I'd turned a corner but now it feels a bit like I'm a learner driver constantly reversing around that corner. I'm going to rest all day today.

So,I tried to rest...

I tried to rest, I really did, however minikitty kept being sick so had to take her to the cat hospital and they kept her in, which has unsettled Briancat completely.

I spent part of the day baking with my gorgeous other half, and we sat and watched a film.

I'm still feeling pretty swollen, however I can see my nipples again now (the top bits of my breast swelled so much my nipples weren't visible) and I can get my chest strap on fully for bed - I know, I know, I don't need it any more but it's a bit like a security blanket!

Iv just taken the tegaderm off my right suture line (and given myself a wax in the process!) and popped a bit of sterile gauze onto the area, I think the antibiotics may not work as well if I'm keeping all that smelly bacteria on the wound. It's a little itchy but I think that may just be my body reacting to the tegaderm, it doesn't do well with tapes/plaster.

I'm hoping that it has settled by the morning, wish I could put my hand on that "ster-zac" sterile powder we used to have as district nurses, that would help I think, I healed all of my piercings with it!

Rest tomorrow, I promise. I have no petrol and no way of getting any as I can't lift the nozzle so I shall stay in the house and rest, do nothing, might potter a bit (whatever that is!)

What a week!

Lasted a lot longer at my brothers wedding than i thought but I'm now staying in bed today I promise, I am swollen, so swollen I have side boobs under my arms, my left breast is a little hard in places, I'm in pain... But on the plus side I slept for around 6 hours in one go after taking Tylex, excellent.

Still can't sleep without the chest strap, which is silly really as most of the girls I have ever seen in clinic want to take it off immediately!

I'm a little too scared to take off the tegaderm covering my infected suture line too, when did I get this silly?!

I'm having breakfast in bed soon, when Owen gets up. Can't wait-I'm starving!

Yes,I did too much

This morning my chest is swollen and I am stiff, iv not slept and I feel like an elephant is sitting on top of me...

It appears I may have tried to do too much yesterday.

Today is my brothers wedding so I don't think I'll be doing any less, I'll rest on Sunday I promise...

I think I...

I think I might have done too much. Drove today for the first time, wandered around shops and then went to light night leeds...

I'm swollen,sore and grumpy and in bed. When will I learn?

I'm not sure :o$

I'm not sure I can remove my chest band and wear just a bra in the daytime and nothing at night!

Rubbish nights sleep last night,worrying about everything and nothing really, hate it when I do that.

Consultant did seem happy with my progress, my suture lines aren't too puckered considering the ellipse of skin he took out was quite large.

So today I'm going to attempt driving, and shopping (I need things for tomorrow's wedding!) I also need to try on my dress, now I don't have to wear the chest strap I have the original dress I bought as back up if it doesn't fit, which is good.

Might treat myself to a few nice things, I deserve it!

Left scar,puckering visible


Right scar area covered with tegaderm (clinical cling film)

Shocker

Shocker, I have an infection. Surgeon was not told of my attendance last week-he didn't look pleased...

Piece of tegaderm on right suture line and some antibiotics.

Otherwise he seems happy, I'm happy with them, they are a nice shape and size and he has done well with what he had to work with. I can drive too (yippee) - if I feel that I can do an emergency stop... I think I'll be able to, we will see as no doubt there will be need for one in my short journey to the hairdressers tomorrow!

I go back next week for a check up. Ooo nearly forgot, I can take off my chest strap now too, awesome.

A nurse knows...

You know when you just know something isn't quite right yet people try to fob you off...

That...

When I went back to the hospital last week I could tell I had an infection as I could smell it, my right side suture line just broke down (noticed it when I got out of the bath an hour ago) luckily I'm seeing the consultant tonight, it's really sore :o/ ouch.

Breakthrough

Breaking news; iv not taken my 9am or 12pm analgesia and I'm not in pain, I do however have the appetite of someone who's been on a desert island!

That is all, as you were

Thursdays child was...just bored of it all now

I'm bored, I'm sleeping for 3 hours at a time overnight, I'm munching painkillers like my life depends on it and honestly, I'm bored.

I just want to feel ok again, to feel I can jump out of bed and get clothes from high rails and have a long luxurious bath and just feel ok... I don't.

Have I turned a corner? Are there corners?

Out patient appointment tonight at 6:55pm, hopefully he's going to take off my dressings and tell me why this one breast still smells of mushroom soup-or not,maybe he won't be able to smell it like the on-call doctor at their hospital...I feel that was selective sniffing anyway, I think it stinks.

Ah well, I'll know my progress soon enough...

They're changing...

My nipples are changing! They are getting more "nipply" and less "squished tomato" - they are also a little more sensitive today, brilliant (unless you count that this new found sensitivity was discovered in river island whilst looking at men's jeans...)

Feeling much more myself today, did some chores, bit of shopping. Am gagging to get back to work!

Middle of the week already!

Wow, Wednesday already, time flies when you're doing nothing!

Overnight I was ok, not as good as the night previous but as there was a spider in bed when I pulled back the covers I'm shocked I even got into bed!

Not in as much pain this morning, still have terrible posture though, it's hell on my back.

Breasts are again, looking more and more breast like as the days go on.

Off to see gynae at jimmys today, so wish me luck!

Happy birthday boobies! 7days old today

So, 7 days ago I had my boobs done, wasn't a hard decision to make and I looked forward to it, how hard could it be right? I was (still am) shocked at how much pain I'm in, I havnt slept for a week, I can't breathe properly, I can't even flush certain toilets in my house - the one thing I have to say is this; it was worth every single ounce of pain, I'm so happy!

I understand I still have to have my nipples moved up slightly as they are lower than I or the consultant would like, but for the first time in ages I feel almost womanly... My boobs don't hang too low any more, they are perky and full and I have cleavage, just wow!

My previous surgeon (11yrs ago) told me I'd never be able to get my chest to look like this and put my implants over the muscle and pretty much said that was the best he could do. He was lying...

So here's a pic I took pre theatre






And here's what my boobs look like today @ 7 days

Pain finally under control

I think my pain is finally under control, thankyou Tylex! I took one every three hours and I slept! Didn't want to wake up this morning though, especially as minikitty had done another wee in the bathroom, then wee'd on my bed, whilst I was IN it! Off to the vets we go :o(

Feeling pretty good today, boobs are looking like boobs, nipples responsive to touch, pain under control - wonder if this is the turning point?

All by myself...

Today iv been alone all day, Owen went to work and left me *cry*

I did myself some porridge and then had a bath, popped some things in to wash, fell up the stairs and on to my chest... Yes, you heard me right; I fell upstairs on the hard concrete steps from my kitchen to the living room in the house. I couldn't tell you what I fell over, but all I remember is that I couldn't get my hands out in front of me quickly enough to break my fall...

I sat on the sofa quietly for quite some time.

My right breast is still oozing slightly although my suture line is clean and dry (I have no idea where it's coming from) my swelling is going down now but this is bringing a further problem, the underside of my breast is really sore due to ?rubbing, not sure what to do really, don't want to put something on to it in case it makes it infected... I'll just keep my eye on it and give it as much fresh air as I can.

Looked for the first time at my before pics today, I can't believe the difference, I'm really pleased (yes, I know I'll still need my nipples moving but I'm liking the shape and fullness in my chest)

I shall take pics tomorrow as I'll be 7 days post op.

Isn't it odd...

In the daytime, my pain is well controlled using the analgesia I have been given... Overnight is a totally different thing! At 10pm I took analgesia and attempted to sleep for the 6 hours relief it should give me, 5 hours later I was awake and rolling around in pain. I then took the same analgesia and waited; I am still waiting (however, I have taken lots more too)

I worry that every night I overdose on my analgesia, in the day it must span out though... I have no ill effects from taking (far) too much, I feel like it must cross itself out!

So today, my first day alone since my operation (Owen is going back to work) I have started the day in incredible pain, unable to eat and wondering if I'll be ok on my own... Only one way to find out eh!

Still not completely convinced I don't have a slight infection in the left suture line, still smells a little like mushroom soup... Has stopped oozing though, had to pop some doublebase cream on to stop the intense itching, my skin is a little sore (I think I itched before I put cream on) hope it's ok under there, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best really...

What's that noise?

It's me, yes... The squidgy, farty noise when I move my right arm, it's me..

I have an air pocket in my right chest cavity, it feels odd, it sounds odd, it kinda even looks a bit odd...

It makes noise when everything is quiet...

I'm doing well moving my left arm (which is bizarre as I am much more bruised on that side) but not so great with my right arm - especially with the squidgy noise now!

All dressed up and ready to go for lunch, feeling a little analgesic induced sleepy and a teeny bit nauseus but I think that's just nerves about leaving the house. I think this top kind of covers my awful dressings up?

Elephants are heavy

I'm at the healing point where I constantly feel like I have an elephant or big fat person, sat on my chest. It really isn't a nice feeling...

Tightness is at it's highest as well, however my breasts actually seem quite malleable - odd.

Getting better every day... In the middle of the night it doesn't feel like I am though!

Off out for lunch today, have been wanting to go to this restaurant for ages! Just hope I can find an appropriate outfit to keep the boobies under control!

Saturday nights alright...

I went back to bed, woke feeling like the house had fell down onto my chest, for the record; the worst feeling ever! Took some analgesia and got dressed.

Bruising looking more yellow today...

Skin on my face is glowing (this helps)

We have guests for BBQ dinner; better put on my best smiley face :oD

Overnight low...

I had a bit of a rough night following my trip back to hospital, totally didn't get (or read) instructions properly on new analgesia, that combined with deliriousness and memory issues made me take a little too much Paracetamol overnight, yet not enough codeine!

Woke up starving again, pain in my back is terrible (however the large bruise I have there looks a bit like I fell off the table mid-surgery!) chest/boob pain managable still. Have snoozed for a little while without chest strap on but it feels very odd!

Getting up and having a bath now, then maybe another snooze...